God & Memory: a Circular Thought

All memory blends for me. I can select and describe and explain certain events, but I cannot be held accountable for perfect recall, and certainly how it is a thing happened (instead of something else) or what occurred from out of or because of a given event is more or less beyond my capabilities.

This tendency, or predilection, has become ever more apparent since having joined the Catholic Church. And, yes, I am older now, but I ma certain that my lack of dependence on memory is tied to my now-present utter and constant belief in God.

St. Paul says, If God if for us, who can be against us? I might say, As God is in us, who cares what else is?

What is memory, but a kind of mental stuff, or collateral. How often do we use memory for the sake of a present or future good? Do we not tend rather to dwell on memories to reinforce a sense of loss, or regret, or even resentment? Let's take a positive memory - my wedding, or the birth of my son - memories that I trust will be with me until the day I die. But, will they survive that memorable event? Jesus says that we will be like the angels in heaven, suggesting that earthly bonds will be vanquished for the Glory of God. On the other hand, we can be sure that the Saints hear our prayers and know us as persons, by name. I therefore trust that if I were to die tomorrow, and if the Lord saw fit to bring me into his Presence, I still would know my wife, my son, and all those on earth I love. And, like St. Theresa, I would savor the opportunity to help them.

But all this has nothing to do with memory. Rather, it is controlled by the fact and matter of presence. The day of my marriage to Endi, my wife, is a precious memory. More precious by far is the fact of my real and present love for her. And, like the birth of my son, Jackson, his presence in my heart is such that nothing could erase it, so powerful is the bond.

So powerful is the bond, at this present moment, and into the future. It does not require an act of "memory" for me to feel and know the truth of my love for my wife and son. In the same way, I do not have to remember to love God.

I go through my day, and I bet it's a lot like your day. At any given moment, I know that I can figuratively turn to the Lord and that He will hear me. One of my favorite experiences during Mass, particularly when I am reading, is to look up and to the right to the statue of Joseph, a patron Saint, when I feel his presence, or the urge to connect. None of this concerns memory. I do not remember the Lord. I do not have to.

So. Memory. It's all fine and good. I use it at my job, that's for sure, where I seem to be some kind of walking/talking living repository of whatever the paralegals or attorneys need to know about trademarks; and I like it for sports trivia. That's a forced usage, as my 13 year-old son loves to ask my opinion about this or that football player and one or another year's production. But this is just the business of life. A bit of the fluid that makes love go.

As for what's worth remembering, speaking critically, well, I'd start with the Hail Mary and end with the Apostle's Creed. Ha! That about sums me up!

Thanks for reading.