The Wandering Point

I don't know if you have noticed that life is complicated. I bet you have, but I can't know that. And, I do not employ the word "complicated" as a euphemism for "difficult." I mean, complicated. And being Catholic has not simplified matters.

Now, I use the term "simplified" simply by way of introducing a note of wonder at people who seem to have all the answers to life. I mean, they are so brimming with answers that they are compelled to share them. This is very generous, of course. And certainly the key issues of life - God, to name one - are more or less crystal clear to me. But the workings of life are not.

To return (in thought) to those who have all the answers, I certainly feel less in control of my life - I feel that - even while my life is about ten times more clear to me, more directed, purposeful, etc. then it ever was before I entered the Church. Does that seem paradoxical to you? It does to me, the only explanation being that as I have ceded ultimate control of my life, I have obtained greater responsibility. I don't know if that clears up the confusion, but I don't really care.

See, that's the problem, right there. I don't care - to explain everything (even myself to myself). I care to please the Lord. That's pretty much it, folks. I do other things, but I don't care too much about them. But not caring "too much" does not simplify life. It only makes it more open and interesting. I see more of what is around me - especially what other people are up to - since having lost interest in every little thing I do. Or worrying about it.

Worrying is, I think, a kind of prayer for understanding from God. Worry is active concern. It is care under pressure. Prayer is also a compressed form of care. Though, prayers goes out. Worry stays in. As such, worry is a kind of signal for one to pray, perhaps.

It is good to pray when one is worried, and when one is not worried.

I am not sure I have said anything very helpful here, but I am not trying to help. I am trying to describe something, because I am a writer, because God made me so. So, I am tasked with writing and writing well.

This brings me to the point of this article, which is that while writers are tasked with putting explanations to their understanding, and thereby perhaps reducing worry, I find that I do none of this. I explain almost nothing, and life is more interesting to me for that, perhaps. Or, life is complicated because I see more of it now, and what I see merits action, not mere description. Yes, something like that. I like words that are, in themselves, a kind of event, or that are applicable to action. So, I like to write poetry - and read books about football.

Well, I can see that this is leading nowhere very clear. I warned you!