Prayer/Obsession/Prayer

I only just wrote, obliquely, it is true, on aspects of poetry writing in a blog titled form/obsession/form. This then is a companion piece, or a reverse parody, where the ensuing article is more genuine than its sponsor.

I find this sort of reverse relationship - a kind of hermetical child-is-father-to-the-man - operating with increasing frequency. At 54 years of age, I may be tending toward more and more fluid considerations  or comprehensions of time. Faith is a great denominator for the numerators of our time. We do not say yes or no, said St. Paul. We say yes. That makes sense to me now, having entered the Church.

But, prayer. Ah, I have written on repetition in prayer once and will not do it again. I am not running for office. I am not selling anything. These words are the product of time & inclination, and are in large part owing to a patient wife who allows me time to trundle myself off to a local establishment for the relative peace & quiet of a jukebox the better to dwell in and relate such thoughts as occur to me.

But prayer & obsession.... There is a loaded pairing. As a writer, I am given over to working in a particular form. As a Catholic, I have experienced prayer in repetition and in devotion; prayer to God, often in singular form, and more often in forms of prayer, the Rosary being an obvious example.

Are such practices "obsessive." It is a fair question, but one that from a Catholic perspective is impossible to comprehend or respond to. I use the word "impossible" to a point. We are instructed by the Lord to pray "constantly." Now, you can say that means "pray a lot" or "keep God in mind" or some variation, but either way, right there we can see a kind of mandate to obsess, if by obsess we mean one-mindedness.

But, what other life is available to the Christian? To cut to the chase: am I obsessed by the Lord? Well, if you mean, do I hold the entire world and it's effects as nothing compared to my love of the Lord and my trust in his promise, yes. Do you think that Catholic prayers are "obsessive" because they are routine, dutiful, and unvarying? Again: guilty! Of course they are. How else should we express our love? By waiting until we "feel" it.

Well, maybe I am Catholic because I don't have to wait until I "feel" like praying to pray. I pray because I believe in it. We pray the Rosary, the daily Mass intentions, the Divine Office, Novenas, etc., etc., not as obsessions, but because that is part of our life on earth as Catholics. That is part of our devotion. A necessary part.

I will say this. At 54 years old, I have never felt as balanced, personally, as having joined the Catholic church and adopting a consistent routine of prayer. Now, I have to say, I am not as perfectly regular, day to day, as some. But I consider that a kind of privilege, not a blight on my "record."

I hope I am alert. If that is obsessed, count me in.